People say stupid things

At 9 months pregnant, apparently your belly is a talking point and ice breaker. Its a topic that almost everyone seems to want to talk about. Its hard to know what the right response is to questions like "Aren't you excited?" or "Bet you can't wait for that baby to be out of there" or "Audrey, are you excited to be a big sister?"  Do you just smile and nod, or do you tell them the truth and ruin their day?

By this point we've told almost everyone we see on a regular basis. Pretending everything is alright was just too hard. Every time telling people gets harder and easier at the same time. What never changes is the horribly sad eyes and shocked look people have when you tell them the baby growing inside you is also dying.

In response people have been offering us all kinds of comments. Most of the things they have said are not helpful. Usually we've learned to just assume people mean well, smile and nod and move on. But we've heard them so many times that Wesley and I actually started an official list. Here are a few of re-occurring unhelpful hints.

• You're young, you can have another baby. 
• My thoughts: 
• Our daughter is not a gold fish. We can't just replace her and pretend not to notice. This is a child who is wanted and loved. 
• We still don't know what caused this. We may never have another baby if the doctors tell us there is a high probability it would happen again. 
• We also have too many friends who have struggled with infertility and miscarriages. Getting pregnant again is never guaranteed.
• You're not having a baby, you're having an angel instead.
• My thoughts: 
• I don't want an angel we want a baby and a sibling for Audrey. 
• Give it time, you'll get over it. 
• My thoughts: 
• I don't think anyone ever gets over something like this. It changes you. 
• We will carry it with us the rest of our lives.
• This will never be something we "get over."
• This is part of God's plan. Everything happens for a reason.
• My thoughts: 
• Maybe this is helpful for some people, but right now it is a struggle for both of us. We've talked about this together a lot. 
• We have a hard time wrapping our heads around our baby's body being created purposely so broken she never has a chance at life, being part of God's plan. 
• Where does free will, our choices, God's love for his creation, his ultimate plan to redeem the world intersect here? I'm not sure this is something we will ever completely understand. 
• Instead, we are choosing to hold on to knowing that good, loving and kind things can come from her life. The world will be different and hopefully a better place because she was here. 

Its been rare that responses have actually been helpful. We have clung to two of them throughout the past weeks.

1. My high risk OB at Texas Childrens - I have absolutely no idea what its like to be in your shoes, but I know you will absolutely make the right decisions, because she's your daughter, and you love her. 
2. I think God is weeping too. After all he knows what its like to loose a child.