Throughout the whole next week I had contractions on and off. Ella would kick, wiggle and squirm. I was "working" from home all week and trying to enjoy our last few days together. At my doctors appointment on Wednesday I was already dilated to 3 cm. We all agreed to an induction the following Monday morning, unless I went into labor on my own before hand. This time I promised not to cancel.
My parents came over on Sunday night for dinner and took Audrey and Buddy home with them to spend the night and next few days. I took a Benadryl before bed and tried to sleep, but I was up most of the night with contractions instead. Several times I debated waking up Wesley to go to the hospital, but then the contractions would weaken a little and I'd fall asleep for 20-30 minutes, Then it would start all over again. This continued all night long. At 5:00 am Texas Children's called and said it was time to head to the hospital. This time I felt much better about going to the hospital for an induction. I was pretty much in labor at this point and figured it was time. We grabbed breakfast at Starbucks on our drive to the medical center. I wasn't really hungry, but I knew I had an impossibly long and hard day in front of me, so I ate anyway. We checked into the hospital at 7:00 am.
By the time we got settled in a room, paid our deposit and answered what seemed like a thousand patient history questions, it was already about 9:00 am. Dr. Raine, was in the room right away, She and her resident checked me and I was still at 3 cm. I remember thinking all those contractions all night long and I was still at the same place as on Wednesday. I was disappointed. Dr. Raine assured me that we had all day. She wasn't in any rush or going anywhere until Ella arrived, so to try and relax and she would be back soon.
We had an older nurse named Audrey. She was very kind and sweet and tried to laugh and joke with us to lighten the mood. I know Wesley appreciated it. She was also 100% dedicated to me. Which is something I am grateful for. She hooked me up to Pitocin to get my contractions to be regular and stronger. At this point I mostly only felt contractions. I couldn't feel Ella move anymore.
As a part of Ella's birth plan, we had chosen not to monitor her heartbeat during labor. As horrible and backwards as it sounds, I was the priority patient. Not Ella. Nothing we could do would change Ella's outcome, so avoiding surgery for me was their top priority. Without monitoring Ella's heartbeat, doctors would not rush in with a C-Section if she was crashing. We wouldn't know how she was doing until she was born. I tried not to worry about it too much and hoped and prayed delivery would be quick and she would make it out alive.
About 11:00 am our doula, Patti, showed up. At this point I was still somewhat comfortable. I sat on a yoga ball and bounced around the delivery room. She massaged my back and hips during contractions to help me feel more comfortable. Wesley held my hand. The four of us talked about random topics between contractions as a few hours passed.
Sometime around 1:00 pm, I remember being in a lot of pain. The contractions were really strong and very close together. Dr. Raine came to check me again. I was at 4 cm. She asked me if I wanted an epidural, but I decided to try IV pain medication instead. It worked pretty well, at first, and I think I fell asleep for 30 minutes or so, but then it quickly wore off and I was in a lot of pain. My contractions were incredibly intense and lasting about 5 minutes with only 30 seconds in between. Wesley and Patti tried to comfort me. I don't remember much anymore. Nothing I tried seemed to help much. I finally gave in and asked for an epidural, Unfortunately, there two women in front of me, so I had to wait about an hour until the anesthesiologist arrived. That hour was was incredibly long.
After the epidural finally kicked in, everything is a bit of a blur. I fell asleep completely exhausted and then woke up several times to change positions.
At about 7:30 the doctors checked me again. After all the contractions, I was still only at 5 cm and my cervix was actually starting to swell shut. Dr. Raine had no idea why my body was reacting this way. She said I could keep going for another two hours, or we could opt for a c-section now. I was exhausted and looked around the room. Patti said she was out of any other positions or ideas to try to cox Ella out too. At this point, I really didn't think that two hours would make much of a difference. Maybe my body just didn't want to let Ella go as much as my heart.
After laboring all day, I was afraid that it was too late. Labor had taken too long. It had been too tough on her little body. It had been hours since I had felt Ella move. I was feeling completely defeated. We had no idea or not if her heart was still beating. After fighting so hard not to have surgery and faster recovery, I felt like a total failure on all fronts. I thought I had already lost my baby and that recovering from surgery would now just make things even worse. I knew I wouldn't be able to pick Audrey up for months. I was going to need her snuggles and was sad to let that go. But if there was any chance Ella was still alive, then, maybe, if we were fast, we could still say "good-bye," so I consented to the c-section.
As the nurses started prepping me for surgery, we called our families. In the mean time, our photographer, Mindy had arrived to take pictures and our pastor, Jim, arrived too. Jim said a quick prayer, Patti said good-bye, and Mindy took a few picture as they wheeled me into the operating room.
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